


Deconstructed

by Bramblepelt



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, it's fluff just a giant pile of cotton candy fluff, mods are asleep post bradko, that tastes like key lime gogurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 21:09:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9289709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bramblepelt/pseuds/Bramblepelt
Summary: Brad is sick. Taako made soup. And there's a Cutthroat Galley marathon going all day.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I am not the first nor will I be the last to stick television into this universe.

“Who forgets the bread? It’s French toast, it’s literally 90% bread and you forgot the bread!” Taako screamed at a game show contestant who couldn’t possibly hear him. “What’re you going to do make vanilla scrambled eggs? Gonna garnish it with those blueberries and call it a power breakfast? Tcch.”

“Maybe deconstructed French toast?” Brad sniffled from under his blanket cloak. When he put out the call he had orc flu and wasn’t going to make it in today the last person he expected to show up at his door was Taako. And the last thing he expected Taako to do was make him soup and demand they watch Fantasy Food Network. Yet here they were.

“Deconstructed is a bullshit term for bullshit cooks too lazy to care about presentation. Oh look the opportunity to switch baskets you lucky bitch, better blow your whole bag on it! You’re not making it to the last round if you don’t!” Taako’s voice continued to rise with every insult to the culinary arts he was forced to witness. 

“You know Taako, as much as I appreciate you looking out for the health care of your fellow employees, you shouldn’t feel obligated to stay. The soup was more than enough, I can take care of myself from here.” Not that Taako’s presence on the couch with his head in Brad’s lap was a burden. It was rather nice actually, damn near domestic feeling. It was a nice change in pace from their...usual encounters. But he was pretty certain Taako had training today along with the other reclaimers. Any dip in productivity would reflect poorly on his quarterly review, and if Taako was using sick time to be here Brad would feel pretty guilty. Sick time was for personal sickness after all.

“You blew it. You blew it! Why’d you stop bidding on it? You think Fantasy Mario Batali is going to like anything you can throw together from that stash? Pffft.” Taako turned his attention to the pathetic looking orc completely bundled in a stack of blankets save his face. The cold was not treating him well at all. “Obligation shmobligation, Cutthroat Galley is having an all day marathon and you have the best tv on the moon. Taako’s here for the long haul so I hope you’re settled.” he rolled back onto his side to watch the tiefling host laughing viciously while holding a stuffed bugbear. 

“Well I can’t say I understand the interest but I respect your differing taste in entertainment.” Brad said before coughing into his fist. 

“I can’t believe you’re literally dying over here and you’re still as insufferable as ever.” Taako grumbled. “Look at this. Look, she’s so confident she can pull off eggs and blueberries she didn’t even bother to bid. Now look at you! You’re stuck with no bread and a stuffed bugbear hanging off your back. Idiot.”

“I’m not dying. Just so you’re aware. Orc flu is nasty but it’s not fatal.” 

“Holy shit amigo I should hope so, the whole moon would shut down if something happened to Killian.” Taako stood up and stretched. “Commercials. You want more soup? I mean of course you do it’s home made and I’m amazing.” he strolled to the small kitchenette.

“Killian is sick too? I hope I didn’t spread it to her. It’s highly contagious.” Brad grimaced and tried to recall if they’d been in the same room at the same time in the last two days. He wished he’d taken better precautions and stayed in his room when he first felt the fever but those benefits forms needed to be completed by the end of the fiscal year.

“Oh she’s a wreck poor thing, but she’s got Carey looking after her. Those two are so sweet on each other it’s going to make my pancreas fail I swear to Gods.” Taako returned with a fresh bowlful and a bag of fritos for himself. “You have the shittiest chip selection by the way, memo to self always bring my own doritos.” He flopped back down as the competition resumed. 

“So I’m thinking I’m going to make a deconstructed French toast.” the dragonborn chef said to the camera.

“Yeah of course you are you hack.” Taako rolled his eyes.

“Taako you seem very invested in this game show.” Brad said knowing full well how obvious the statement was. “You think you could perform better than them?”

“Oh, my Gods of course I would?” Taako laughed. “Like in what universe would I not wipe the floor with anyone else in this shit roster of amateurs?”

“Even though they don’t let you use magic?” Brad asked.

Taako shot up to look Brad in the face to really drive home how offensive that question was. “I don’t need magic to not forget fucking bread for starters, alright? I don’t need magic to make high cuisine, and I certainly didn’t need magic to make that fantastic soup you’re sucking down so get that straightened out.”

“One minute chefs!”

“I apologize if I caused any offense Taako. Angus was rather adamant about how incredible your magic cooking was, I simply assumed. But I guess that’s why they say assuming makes-”

“An ass out of blah blah quiet Mario Batali is going to rip this idiot.”

Brad watched as the redheaded human in cargo shorts took a bite of the whipped egg whites baked into a pavlova and filled with blueberry cream. He remarked the dish, while not exactly french toast, was at least edible unlike the plate that had actual broken glass in it the dwarf chef handed him.

“She got lucky. Anyway look, magic is for effect. You use magic if you’re trying to one up Lagasse in the presentation department. Shit like this is 20% skill and 80% basic fucking intelligence, of which I am perfectly equipped thank you.” Taako adjusted onto his back, face still glued to the television. 

“You have thirty minutes to prepare...the perfect coq au vin. And chefs your time starts, now!”

“You are. You should cook more often, I think everyone would really appreciate your skill. I can see about getting you a servsafe certification if you’d like to use the cafeteria some time.” Brad offered.

“Uugh see no, this is why I don’t cook for people. Taako don’t need a certification or a training manual or permission to use anything. I cook what I feel like when I feel like it for who I feel like.” At least since the events of Refuge he did. Not much time had passed from that revelation but nobody needed to know he didn’t always do as he damn well pleased. 

“You already use the cafeteria kitchen.” Brad said quietly.

“Ha, oh man, where do you think I made that soup? You don’t want to see what Magnus has done to our communal dining area, trust me. Everything smells like shitty peanut butter.” Taako shivered a bit at the memory. “Now she gets it! She didn’t get any garlic but at least she has the basic components this time. Unlike the other dude who somehow thinks he can make this shit without mushrooms. Uuugh.”

“Just please hide if the health inspector comes by.” Brad said before finishing the bowl off. “But in any case, thank you for making this Taako. It’s was even better than what my mom used to make.”

Taako stayed quiet, focused on the two assholes on the television burning garlic and lighting their eyebrows on fire. Finally after the show went to it’s eighth commercial break of the episode Taako decided on the right way to respond.

“You’re welcome.” 

“So how does one make this dish perfectly?” Brad asked, knowing the friend in his lap was anxious to keep bragging.

“I’m so glad you asked it’s easier to explain it than just point out everything they’re doing wrong. Ok, so first you want to carve up the chicken and get some good thick bacon chopped up.” Brad listened intently to Taako’s instructions. It was easy to see the growing enthusiasm the more he talked. There was a confidence there that was different from the self important way he would talk trash about others. This was genuine confidence from years of study and practice. It flushed all over Taako’s face and shone in his eyes. It was incredibly cute. “Finally this is the important bit ok? Most people just toss the mushrooms in with everything else but that’s how you get soggy mushrooms. You want to saute them in butter for a few minutes and add them in the stew near the end. That’s how you get them perfect. Voila, perfect coq au vin.”

Brad considered the recipe for a moment.

“What about brandy?” he asked.

“Uh, what about brandy?” Taako replied cocking an eyebrow.

“Well I just thought maybe a splash of brandy to deglaze the pan after cooking the chicken would add a small depth of flavor while maintaining the full body of the wine.”

Taako squinted his eyes back at him.

“Your seasoning is balanced but there’s something missing. Chef, where are the mushrooms?” Batali’s voice chimed from the screen. 

“I hate mushrooms. I thought the dish would be better without-”

“Thank you chef.”

“Shit.” Taako whispered. “That’s actually good.”

“That’s quite a compliment from you.” Brad smiled.

“Don’t get used to it.” Taako waved his hand in the air dismissively, turning back to the show.

“Maybe we could cook together some time? It’d be interesting to see what we could collaborate on.” Brad offered. Taako felt his face go red when he realized his knee jerk reaction to the proposition wasn’t to scream NO. 

“The best recipes have teamwork in the ingredients list.” Brad said, completely ruining his chances.

“Hey what’s the best recipe for shutting your jack throated mouth up? You make a better pillow than sous chef and that sore throat is gonna get worse the more you blab. Now pay attention, the idiots have to make a souffle in this episode and it’s such a disaster I can’t miss a word.” 

Brad sniffled as he had a revelation.

“You’ve already watched every episode.” 

“Five times each broseph, buckle up.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comment below with your fantasy race Food Network star head canons
> 
> @pandalots on twitter


End file.
